Thanks to where ever this comes from!!!

The lighter Side of Home Loans
Credit Tales

Here are some true letters we received from people with
 less than perfect credit. Here are the most creative ones:

• I was unconscious for two months after falling down a flight of stairs and didn't pay my bills until I woke up.
  
• My aunt Sara from Slobonia died and I had to leave the country suddenly. I was so saddened by the loss, I went into a drunken stupor for 3 months before I returned to pay my bills.
  
• The local drug rehabilitation center needed some volunteers to test a new medication. I had a bad reaction and was hospitalized for 8 weeks , and couldn't pay my bills.
  
• I have a recurring problem with amnesia (loss of memory) and I forgot to pay my bills for 5 months.
  
• We live in a flood zone and my mail was destroyed by floods which occurred on the first of the month, four months in a row. You can verify this by calling the Guinness' Book of Records.
  
• Our family has moved 14 times over the last two years and our mail from the 1st hasn't caught up with us yet. As soon as I receive the bills, I'll pay them. Please note our new address when you send us the loan commitment.
  
• My son, Aardvark, raises goats in his bedroom. Every other month, they escape and eat my bills. I have to wait for the next mail delivery to make the payments.
  
• I work for a company that changed their payroll payment policy from weekly to quarterly (every 3 months). That's why I was 90 days late on my recent obligations.
  
• My name is Yonkernosecine and it is a very common name in our midwest town. The mailman always delivers my mail to the wrong family which causes me to be 30 days late most of the time.
  
• Our neighbor Sam Schneiderman has been mad at me for six months. Her is retired and he has been stealing my mail. That is why I was 180 days late on my mortgage and credit card payments.

Crazy Glossary (Found hanging in our underwriter's office!)

• A.R.M.: Abbreviation for Arbitrary Ridiculous Mumbo-Jumbo

• Appraiser: The greatest person in the world (if value comes in high) or an idiot (If value comes in low.)

• Disclosure: The opportunity given to all lenders to show that they do not really know how to explain what the borrower is about to do.

• Eligibility: The dating status of a single applicant.

• Gross Income: Something all borrowers have, regardless of those pesky tax returns which seem to indicate otherwise!

• Pre Qualified: "Looks good to me, heh, heh, heh"

• Proposed Roommate Rental Income: One of the many comments made by borrowers and realtors that make it difficult to keep a straight face.

• Qualify: Shoving a square peg into a round hole.

• Ratios: An amount of something you are supposed to have compared to an amount you do not have.

• Rejection: A difference of opinion

• Rental Agreement: A piece of paper provided so you can ignore the pesky tax returns again!

• Slam-Dunk Loan: Used to describe a loan which will make you want to slam the loan application in the trash or dunk it in a vat of boiling oil.

• Submit a loan: To close your eyes, hold your breath, and against your better judgment fork over the file to the underwriter.

• Suspended Loan: All the items you knew you needed when the file was submitted that you hoped and prayed the underwriter would not ask for just this one time!

• Tentative Approval: Approval subject to obtaining a credit report, appraisal, property, and all documentation.

• Thirty Day Processing Time: There is no definition. It does not mean anything.

• Underwriter: a mortgage God

FHA

New Orleans Lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to property offered as collateral. The title dated back to 1803, and he had to spend three months
running it down. After sending the information to FHA, he got this reply:


"We received your letter today enclosing application for loan for your client, supported by abstract of title. Let us compliment you on the able manner in which you prepared and presented the application. However, you have not cleared the title before the year 1802, and therefore, before final approval can be accorded the application, it will be necessary that the title be cleared back to that year."


Annoyed, the lawyer replied:

"Your letter regarding Case # 189156 received. I note that you wish titles extended further back than I have presented them. I was unaware that any educated man in the world failed to know that Louisiana was purchased from Franc in 1803. The title to the land was acquired by France by right of conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by
right of discovery made in 1492 by a sailor named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then-reigning monarch, Isabelle. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles,
almost as much, I might say, as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope for the voyage before she sold her jewels to help Columbus. Now the Pope, as you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and
God, it is commonly accepted, made the world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana, and I hope to hell you are satisfied."

The final status of the loan was never known..

A Property that requires a VIEW adjustment.


We took this while on a assignment, in mid spring 2000.